My Quixotic Queens Quest

Our Senior Mets Correspondent, John, writes about the beautiful game of baseball and his quest for something more. As a disclaimer, we should state firmly that the secondary characters mentioned in this piece may or may not be the editors of Loser's Guide. However, that in no way affected our judgment in publishing this Pulitzer worthy essay. Go Mets!

I don't think quixotic means what I think it means, but who could turn down the chance for an alliterative Q title?

Every lad remembers his very first quest. Ironically, mine was to read the Lord of the Rings cover to cover. It was a long trek, but inspired by Frodo's determination, I read the shit out of those books.

Recently I embarked on a new quest. I went to my first regular season game at the Mets newly completed home, CitiField, with Varun, Eric and Seth. Immediately after walking into the Jackie Robinson Rotunda, you could tell the stadium wouldn't be as dank and depressing as that loveable dump, Shea Stadum. It was a great game, complete with the first grand slam at CitiField (by Omir Santos, of all people), but that wasn't the reason it was memorable.

I had read a lot about one new food that fans had to try: sweet and sour chicken tenders. I like sweet things, sour things and chickeny things, so it seemed right up my alley. I told my friends i was going to go search for them and Seth volunteered to join me. I had to warn him that I didn't know where the place was, so it might take some searching, but he he was up for it, and we set out.

We were sitting in the right field section of the Caesars Level, so naturally we began by searcing the Caesars Club, which is an indoor area, complete with multiple food stands and a bar, where fans can go to watch the game if it begins to rain. We searched all the menus there and only found regular chicken tenders. Seth naively asked if I would settle for those, and I told him that I would settle for nothing less than sweet and sour chicken tenders, but that I would understand if he wanted to give up. To my surprise, he just said, "If I'm going to be walking this much, I need a beer."

We decided to climb up to the Promenade Level to see if our luck would change there. While we failed to locate the object of our quest, I did find that Mamas of Corona, a staple of Shea Stadium cuisine, had been carried over to CitiField (behind hime plate on the Promenade, among other places). Seth was also able to find a beer stand with no line. I asked multiple Mets employees where I could find sweet and sour chicke, but none of them had never heard of it!

By this point, we had doubled back to right field stands, and were close to our seats. I could tell that Seth's resolve was wavering now that he had his beer. He informed me that he was consiering giving up. I told him I understood, and that while Sam could never have left Frodo at the gats of Mordor, some people just weren't cut out for this kind of thing.

Now alone, I soldiered on to the Field Level. I had heard that much of the new food was in the Center Field area in that level. As I approached, I found the new and improved Home Run Apple (which hardly ever comes up now that the outfield fence looks more like it should be guarding the border in Texas). I walked past the Seafood restaurant, over the as yet unnamed bridge, and through an absolute mass of people.

When I approached the largest group of food stands yet, my spirits lifted. I found pizza, burgers, ribs, international beer, shakes and corn dogs. In the last hour, I had passed Carvel, Dunkin Donuts, Subway, El Verano Taqueria, Shake Shack, Blue Smoke, Daruma of Tokyo, Box Frites and more, but the sweet and sour chicken was no where to be found. I began to lose hope, and to worry that rather than Frodo, I was destined to play the role of Gollum - constantly searcing for the Precious, obsessed and dissatisfied.

Having walked the entire outfield area, I was now in left field. But just as I began to ponder giving up my quest, I spotted a food stand in the distance called The Hot Dog and Chicken Stand! I ran over to look at the menu. There was no sweet and sour chicken. But there was Sweet and Spicy Chicken! No wonder no one knew what the hell I was talking about.

I returned triumphant to my friends, and having exerted all that energy getting to know the ins and outs of CitiField, I was ready for a feast. How were they, you ask? Eh, they were okay.

If anyone has a story they want to share about their experiences at the new Yankee Stadium, please e-mail it to us at losersguidenyc@gmail.com