Don't Make the Train Conductor Angry

Our expert at uncovering awkward situations, Varun, finds out what happens when a passenger offends the train conductor.

After getting out of a conference downtown, my co-worker and I hopped on the uptown R train at Prince Street. Usually, this is a very routine experience: the train operator gets on the PA and tells folks what the next stop is and to "stand clear of the closing doors", the doors close (and open and close and open and eventually close), and the train slides out of the station. But today was different. Today, instead of using his time on the PA to announce destinations or tell us about train safety, the train operator felt compelled to make a personal message to one of the passengers on board. After the doors closed, he patched through and said, with great emotion:

"Excuse me Sir: an umbrella is meant to protect you from the rain. You DON'T use it to wave in the face of the train operator! WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU??!!"

An awkward silence filled the train, as if every one of us were being scolded. As we started off toward 8th street, I frantically scanned the faces around me for pangs of guilt and shame, hoping to identify the nefarious straphanger. But alas, he was either in another car, or so cold-hearted that he could not be bothered, even by such a public underground tongue lashing.