Memories From A Boston Ex-Pat

I lived in Manhattan for three years. For me, the city was bodegas, all-night diners (not like I ever ate in one past 7pm, but I liked having the option), the Village Voice (so I could read about all the things that other people might do on a Saturday night), and bagel shops with nearby benches. My idea of adventure was picking a random avenue and walking straight up from West 4th Street to West 104th. In short, I was a New York loser, too.

Now that I've moved to Boston, people often ask me what it was like to live in the big apple, with great anticipation in their voices. In these moments, I know I can either tell the truth and talk about how much food I ate and how many nights I spent sleeping in, or I can embellish. I have found that the latter elicits a more positive response. So here are a few general talking points you can use to make yourself seem a little bit more interesting, whether you’re an ex-pat like me or a current New York loser facing new acquaintances:

1. Be able to mention a favorite paradoxical ethnic restaurant. I use two, actually, though both are Polish and within blocks of each other on 2nd Avenue: Veselka, which has amazing rice krispies treats, and Little Poland, which has a secret Salsa night in the back room on Thursdays after you finish your rice pudding. I never danced there but just knowing about it does the job.

2. Have a hilarious testimony of a "crazy night out" that cannot be replicated. Usually, I talk about an experience at an off-off Broadway play called "Sodom", which I honestly thought was going to be purely biblical.

3. Have one bar that you went to every week. (I actually escaped that one – I didn't turn 21 'til I moved away!)

4. Tell a story about a crazy person who said something weird to you on the street, and a crazy roommate who said something weird to you before bed. This one isn’t difficult.

5. Have a favorite museum and something cultural/artsy that you know a lot about. Mine was Cezanne's "My Uncle as a Monk" painting at the Met.

The next one’s a clincher - a personal favorite technique to look good in front of friends who visited me while I was living in the city:

Have a regular coffee/donut cart. This is a good way to get a really bad cup of coffee and really awesome donut, but more importantly, a coffee/donut cart attendant that will unconditionally hit on you once you go a few times. This will make you look like a hottie in front of others. Men: you might have a harder time with this; female and gay male coffee/ donut cart attendants seem to be scarce.

- Samantha