Pirates!

So when you’re bored and aimlessly surfing the Internets for an interesting news article at work, what sorts of things catch your eye? Maybe it’s a piece on the latest technological advances? Perhaps a little celebrity gossip? Or maybe even some good ol' fashioned small town news. Well if you’re like us, none of the above quite suffice. We want the whole package: mystery, suspense, action, international conflict, and when at all possible, sexy, sexy romance. It wasn’t until recently that we realized that we could have it all and more just by taking a step into the captivating world of pirates.

About a month ago, we stumbled upon an article about a Ukrainian ship that was seized on the African high seas by a troupe of Somali pirates. Turns out this ship was carrying more than just borscht and sausages. On board were about $30 million worth of grenade launchers, ammunition, and battle tanks, possibly to help feed the genocide in Sudan, and these pirates were fixin' to get paid. By the time I woke up the next day, the pirate ploy had escalated into a full-fledged international conflict. The United States and Russia had the pirates surrounded, with their cannons (??) locked and loaded, and half a dozen other countries preparing for battle.

Naturally, you'd assume the lowly pirates give up and hand over the booty right? WRONG! As we would later learn in a far-ranging interview with the pirates’ spokesman (yes, even pirates have spokesmen), these are no ordinary pirates. Like so many others, these pirates are misunderstood. Turns out they’re really just good chaps protecting their waters from illegal fishing expeditions. This hijacking and ransom thing, it's just what they do to help pay the rent and put food on the table. When asked if they were scared of the big bad Americans and Russians shaking their fists, the pirates responded the way only real pirates could: “You only die once," they say. Brilliant.

Needless to say, this story has provided days upon days of entertainment and excitement for us. More than that, though, it’s given us a sense of escape. We live in the greatest city in the world, but even that can get boring sometimes. Now as we sit in our cubicles at work, or munch on our spaghetti at night, we can dream about those swash-buckling pirates out somewhere in the Indian Ocean, stealing tanks, and sticking it to the man.

- Varun